what a mess it would be

if I was in charge of me.

Yesterday my breath stopped for a minute, when a library account read that we owed $1000. Maybe my breath stopped for longer than just a minute. In the end their computer system had stopped up, and we, in fact, did not owe a grand for 10 books. But in those hours of, "what?" our spirits began to question a myriad of other computer-generated money-handlings and didn't stop there as I began to doubt the sufficiency and provision of God, His timing, His care. That I could go there so quickly . . .

I remember when my children as infants in their high chairs would "uh! uh! uh!" for more food AS I was feeding them and their next spoonful was on its way. I vividly recall saying, "I'm taking care of you. I have what you need. Here it comes."

So, that was yesterday. I woke up this morning carrying those shadows of fear. I could not walk into this day until I had stilled my heart before the LORD, letting His perfect love take that grip off of me. So, I got to acknowledge that He is God. He is good. and really. When have I ever been my own life-provider? Who gives me my next breath? He has plans that are good. best even. His love endures. I happened upon a song written and sung by a college friend. "If He can fill the earth, the sky, the land, the sea -- He can fill me." So, the God who put the stars in the sky held me gently this morning and let me be still in his arms, reminding me that He is. Why would I ever want to start my day any other way. and I do. How quickly I can forget. How dare I fill His place in my life with me. Life is here, in His presence, in the knowledge and understanding that He is God. Longing to be God of every ounce of our lives. Lead on, O King Eternal.